The Escapades of DARTH! Maximus Episode I
by Darth Maximus
Summary: Very AU! Darth Maximus is the reigning Sith Lord, with his loyal assistants servants Minion Secretary, Minion One, Minion Two and Minion Three. Oh no! What does this mean for our poor, poor galaxy! COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1: The Set

**The Escapades of DARTH!! Maximus – Episode I**

**Disclaimer:** I (hopefully) ain't copying no Star Wars stuff?! This story is AU!?

**Summary:** Very AU! Darth Maximus is the reigning Sith Lord, with his loyal assistants servants Minion Secretary, Minion One, Minion Two and Minion Three. Oh no! What does this mean for our poor, poor galaxy?!

**AN:** I honestly don't know where this story is going to go. I have nothing planned out as of yet but hopefully I can make this story work.

Now, enjoy! (hopefully)

_**Chapter One – Introducing...the set.**_

Out into the early morning sun of the planet Pie walked Darth Maximus. He was wearing his normal white cloak and black tuxedo within. Hurrying behind him was his Minion Secretary, always ready to do whatever the Sith Lord wished. Minions One, Two and Three were nowhere to be seen.

"Say, Minion Secretary, how about a tour of the galaxy?" Darth Maximus asked his faithful Minion Secretary.

"Oh yes!" Minion Secretary said. Darth Maximus abruptly turned around and headed back in.

"I must retrieve my weapons and put them into _the Computer_!" he boomed.

"_The Computer_?!" Minion Secretary squeaked. "Your most famous and foremost Star Destroyer?! Right away, sir!" Minion Secretary sped away to prepare _the Computer_ for a loooong, loooooooooong flight.

**DMDMDMDMDMDM**

Meanwhile, back inside, Darth Maximus retrieved his weapons...including one meat cleaver, one frying pan, one death scythe, etc. etc. At last, he buckled his sword to his waist, as all the power in all lightsabers had run out. Of course he took his lightsaber, (which was of a bright pink colour) as a reminder that he was a Sith Lord. (he sometimes forgot.)

**DMDMDMDMDMDM**

Aboard his personal Star Destroyer, named _the Computer, _Darth Maximus strode to his Minion Secretary.

"Are all the PIE Fighters in the hangar?" he asked. Minion Secretary replied,

"Of course sir. What do you take me for? An idiot?"

"Well, is my personal chair on board?" he frowned at her. "Don't tell me you forgot again!" Minion Secretary cowered back as Darth Maximus started on his childish tantrum.

"You always forget! You always forget my personal chair slash throne! AND MY TEDDY BEAR! MY TEDDY BEAR!!"

Suddenly, posture and calm exterior was complete upon his face.

"Thou shalt go forth, prithee, and retrieve thy throne and teddy bear. Quick, Minion Secretary, for we must leave aboard my _Computer_ soon." He said.

Minion Secretary nodded quickly exactly five times and sped off.

One minute went by.

Two..

Three...

BANG! Minion Secretary crashed into the room, nearly toppling as she carried a small chair as well as a teddy bear.

Darth Maximus coughed...and choked. Choking, he spluttered. Spluttering, he wheezed, doing an impressionable impression of Darth Vader. Minion Secretary helpfully handed him an inhaler, to which he puffed at exactly five times. Then she walked to the front, where there was a terrific view, planted the chair down, cranked it up (Darth Maximus was EXTREMELY short, so there was something underneath his chair which allowed it to be lifted up to extreme heights. Darth Maximus was said to actually reached the top of Mount Nevergo on the planet Opposite, said to be the tallest mountain in the galaxy by using this chair) and placed a cushion on the seat. Satisfied, Darth Maximus clambered onto his seat and commanded his Minions to set course for planet Coruscant...or at least what was left of it...

End Chapter

**AN:** Well? What did you think of it? Good bad? Please review! Click that beautiful blue button down there and let me know what you think. Next chapter: Coruscant. Home planet to...Hutts? WTF?!

I promise the next chapter will be longer! Promise!


	2. Chapter 2: Coruscant

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but Darth Maximus, his minions, his PIE fighters and planet Pie.

**A.N **Hopefully I'll be updating quicker, my fellow plotters! evil laugh

Now, ONWARD, for the adventures of **DARTH!** Maximus! cue thunder

Enjoy!

_**Chapter Two: **_

As the space shuttle _Destroyer_ neared the planet, Darth Maximus hopped of his seat.

"Ah, we are near the planet Coruscant. Come Minion Secretary, because we have to take a shuttle down to the planet itself." Darth Maximus strode into the hangar and picked an Impierial **(A.N: Impierial is spelt correctly! Look at the middle...pie...is...nice...salivates)** shuttle and hopped in. Beside him, Minion Secretary dropped down beside him. A few clones from the old Galactic Republic manned the shuttle. Darth Maximus reclined on a chair while Minion Secretary directed the clones to work. Minion Secretary herself sat at the controls while the clones either sat the shuttle's guns or at a pie vendor. The shuttle, named _the Lamb_ shuddered as it entered Coruscant's atmosphere. The shuttle made a resounding boom as it crashed rather noisily onto a landing platform. Darth Maximus immediately jumped to his feet and strode down the lowered ramp.

"We have arrived at Coruscant!" the Sith Lord made a grand gesture. Minion Secretary walked down the ramp more slowly and seemed unimpressed by the planet.

Coruscant, once a beautiful centre of the Galactic Republic, and later the Galactic Empire, was now a ruins, inhabited only by the vile Hutts. As the pair walked towards a nearby building, the door opened and a Hutt...slid...out.

"Watch out!" Minion Secretary unsheathed her huge long sword and switched into a battle stance. Darth Maximus only stretched and reached out to the Forc—I mean Non-Existent Magical Powers and pushed the disgustingly dribblingly disturbingly huge Hutt over the edge. The Hutt, whose name was Hutty Hud screamed as he fell...down...into the planet face of Coruscant.

SPLAT!

Darth Maximus winced. That had NOT sounded very good. Minion Secretary just looked shocked as she resheathed her long sword again.

DMDMDMDMDMDM

The two walked through the buildings, noting their surroundings until they reached the highest point of Coruscant. There, hidden amongst some boxes the two watched in astonishment as they saw 

Hutts _jumping _off the roof into the depths of Coruscant. Next to the line of Hutts jumping, there was a sign that said:

JUMPERS HERE

(this may cause you to be suicidal)

Darth Maximus shook his head.

"How stupid can you get? These Hutts are jumping because they think they'll get some jumpers!" Darth Maximus whispered to Minion Secretary. Minion Secretary jumped up and ran headlong off the edge screaming.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

Thump.

Darth Maximus shook his head. He leapt off the edge gracefully and landed on his feet where Minion Secretary had fallen. Somehow, his white hood was still covering his face.

"Come on, you stupid Minion Secretary," he said crossly. "Please discontinue jumping off roofs of buildings." Nodding meekly, Minion Secretary stood up, all the while rubbing her bottom (which was quite sore).

"Let's leave this place. We'll mark it on the chart as a 'Mentally Unstable Planet'." Darth Maximus frowned.

The pair left and headed towards the shuttle.

DMDMDMDMDMDM

Back onboard _Computer_, Minion Secretary turned around and asked the Sith Lord,

"Sir, why do you wear a white cloak and why are you always hooded?" she said. Darth Maximus sighed dramatically and replied,

"Well, because a long long time ago someone played a trick on Darth Maximus by dropping white paint on his formerly spotless black cloak. And the reason I always wear the hood is because- because my hair is electric blue!" Darth Maximus burst into tears as he sobbed. Pulling on Minion Secretary's hand, he sniffled and wiped away his tears with Minion Secretary's hand.

DMDMDMDMDMDM

Meanwhile, a black-cloaked person on a ship stood and watched...cackling evilly and stopping as it did not suit his persona...

DMDMDMDDMDM

CRASH! A laser tore past the Star Destroyer's defences and disabled the _Computer_'s hyperdrive. The black-cloaked man cackled evilly again...and stopped. He directed his ship away.

Meanwhile, Darth Maximus ordered the Destroyer to fly as fast as it could. Which brought them to their next place of touring. The planet Earth.

End Chapter

**A.N **Did you like it? Eh? Please review! Reviews would be nice! Thank yous!

Type text


	3. Chapter 3: U No Poo

**The Escapades of DARTH! Maximus – Chapter Three**

**Disclaimer: **I own no Harry Potter or Star Wars or Georgio.

**AN:** Hm, little children may want to stay away from this chapter. Includes a few people getting murdered, not that that is not daily life though, and also may include a rather disturbing and retarded Jedi Master Georgio. You have been warned.

Enjoy!

**Chapter Three – U-No-Poo Rebuilt!**

Darth Maximus clambered out of the damaged space shuttle, followed by his ever faithful Minion Secretary. They had crash-landed on a forest. No, not _in _the forest, but on the forest. They were hanging, on a branch. Scowling, Maximus jumped down and onto the forest floor. Ahead, lay a path that led into some sort of village. Striding purposefully, he walked into the place known as Diagon Alley. People wearing robes of different colours strode by. Nearby, a boy with a curious lightning-bolt scar was walking with an old, ugly man who was wearing neon green robe. Minion Secretary sniffed and wrinkled her nose.

Just as Maximus was walking past a huge building with 'Gringotts' written on it, there was a huge popping sound as twenty rather ugly people in black robes and white masks appeared. Mildly interested, Darth Maximus turned around, watching several people scream in fear. Next to Maximus, Minion Secretary drew her sword. Suddenly, a few of the Death Eaters turned around and poked their funny looking sticks at the duo. Green jets of light (rather looking like puke) spewed out (no pun intended) of their sticks. With an airy wave of his hand, he sent the jets back at the unfortunate Death Eaters. Immediately, they started retching onto the ground as the jets of light hit them. Unfortunately, there was one casualty as Maximus accidentally sent an AK curse back without a vomit curse involved...unlucky death eater died immediately. His more fortunate friends, who were crawling on the ground pitifully, would die after relieving their stomachs. A rather painful death.

Angry that the Death Eaters had attacked him, Maximus drew his sword and jumped literally into the fray, chopping blindly this way and that. The strange boy with the lightning-bolt scar and the old man were standing to the side staring dumbly at Darth Maximus and Minion Secretary.

"DIEEEEEEEE!!" a nearby Death Eater by the name of Bellatrix Lestrange screamed, and choked as she found a sword stuck in her waist. Darth Maximus blinked.

"Oops," he muttered and withdrew the sword. In the corner of his eye, he saw movement and saw bright fluoro pink robes moving away quickly. Then, looking up, he found the old ugly man approaching him.

"Er, excuse me Insert name here, but how on my pink fluffy slippers did you defeat a whole group of Death Eaters?" he demanded of Maximus.

"Ohh...well, I'm Darth Maximus," Maximus said smugly.

Albus Dumbledore, ever sniffing out potential allies, decided to invite him for a short stay at Hogwarts. Hm, was that a good idea? Read on!

**DMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDM**

"This castle certainly is big," he remarked to Minion Secretary after being briefed on Voldemort and how the Wizarding World worked. He was still wondering about the fluoro pink robed person..it reminded him of his old master from his Republic days as a Jedi...but he shunted it out of his mind, determined to not think of the reason why he had electric blue hair.

Minion Secretary nodded absently as she checked her blade for nicks. They continued walking in silence...and walked...and walked..and got lost. Eventually, they stumbled across the boy who was known as Harry Potter.

"Er- excuse me Mister Maximus, Minion Secretary, are you lost?" he asked. Maximus nodded his head sagely. Harry proceeded to lead them back into the Great Hall, just in time for lunch. Along the way, Harry had explained in depth the minor situation of one Lord Voldemort- aka Tommy boy. Processing this new information given by the boy, Maximus formulated a plan to rid the world of the one Lord Voldemort- rather creatively too.

**DMDMDMDMDMDMDMDM**

Voldemort stood in the forest, surrounded by his ever faithful Inner Circle of Death Eaters. He looked around as he finished writing his plans for his assault on Hogwarts. Suddenly, out of nowhere there was a POP! as Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Dobby the house elf and two seemingly random people appeared. He gaped in horror as Dobby the house elf zapped him with his awesome house elf powers to an abandoned shack- the Shrieking Shack.

Pop! The others appeared behind the hated Potter as he advanced with his wand in hand.

"You cannot kill me...while my Horcruxes remain safe and sound," Voldemort snarled. Darth Maximus stepped forwards and took the wand from Harry and smiled.

"Well, we may not be able to kill you magically, but we can do it the muggle way- look out!" he exclaimed. Immediately a rather purple triple-decker bus appeared.

"Good evening, welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard, I am Stan Shunpike, your conductor for the eve..." he looked quizzically around. Harry was busy trying to stifle giggles as a hand appeared from beneath the bus. Maximus smirked. Banishing the bus, he decided it was time for phase two. Using his non-existent magical force powers, he collapsed the wall on top of a flattened Voldemort. However, he managed to blast his way out.

"Avada Kedavra!" he screamed at Maximus. However, the spell did not hit Maximus...nor did he hit anyone. Rather, it hit a flying broomstick! What the?!

"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" a brightly pink coloured figure went flying by, flattening Voldemort yet again.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" he went again.

...and again.

...and again.

SPLAT!

Jedi Master Georgio stood up, admittedly slowly.

"Hi there, apprentice!" he yelled at Maximus at the top of his lungs. Maximus growled in annoyance. His appearance yet again had confirmed that the person standing in front of him was indeed- Jedi Master Georgio. Jedi Master Georgio had been his Master in his Republic days- when he was a Padawan Learner. Georgio's stupidity and utter insanity had given him a short and explosive temper. Maximus finally tipped the day that Georgio had 'accidentally' spilled blue colouring potion on his hair: causing his hair to be his electric blue colour. He blamed the Jedi Council for doing this to him and Georgio for being the old crazy Jedi that he was. He glared at Georgio and spun around, making his way back to the abandoned ship.

**DMDMDMDMDMDMDMDM**

Aboard the ship, Maximus set the controls for his next destination: Arcadia.

**AN: **Click that blue button! You KNOW YOU WANT TO :D


	4. Chapter 4: Arcadia

_**The Escapades of DARTH! Maximus**_

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own no Pokemon or Star Wars or Georgio.

_**A/N:**_ Arcadia...the world of Arcade games! :o

_**Chapter Four: Small Interlude: Arcade games galore!**_

The Computer drew up near a orange-pink planet.

"Ah! Our destination!" exclaimed Darth Maximus. Minion Secretary looked on apprehensively, at the planet Arcadia. However, she was dragged into _the Lamb_ by Darth Maximus just as it was deployed towards the planet. Soon, the ship touched the ground and Minion Two lowered the ramp.

"Today, Minion Two will be following us," Darth Maximus said imperiously, as he walked down the ramp. Immediately, they were surrounded by small innocent looking creatures, by the name of Pokémon. Bewildered, Minion Secretary drew back. Darth Maximus was busy talking to the Pokémon.

"Defeat evil Poke! Defeat evil Poke!" they were saying ecstatically to Darth Maximus. At that choice time, the 'evil Poke' appeared.

"I am Rayquaza, hear me roar!" he meowed. Darth Maximus readied his sword as did Minion Secretary. The silly Pokémon charged at them. Maximus simply held out his sword and Rayquaza stupidly impaled himself on it.

"Yay!" the now happy group of Pokémon shouted exuberantly. Then, one of the Pokémon by the name of Statistic stepped out and said in a solemn voice:

"Darth Maximus has defeated the evil Rayquaza! Darth Maximus has gained 74 XP points! Darth Maximus has levelled up! Darth Maximus is trying to learn a new move, but needs to forget one to level up! Darth Maximus' moves are: Pwn, Leet, Explode, Kill! Darth Maximus is trying to learn the move Explode Testicles! Which move will Darth Maximus forget?" Statistic said in one breath. Nearby, Minion Secretary was gaping, flabbergasted. Minion Two sat nearby talking to a Wobbufet.

"Hm, let's see, Darth Maximus will forget Explode," Darth Maximus said imperiously.

"Darth Maximus has learned the move Explode Testicles! Darth Maximus has levelled up to Level 1337!" Nodding, Maximus headed back to the shuttle which would take them back to _the Computer_. Still distracted by the Wobbufet, Minion Two scrambled into the Lamb just as the ramp closed.

**A/N:** Like? Hate? Please review!


	5. Chapter 5: Exploring the Ruins

_**The Escapades of DARTH!! Maximus – Episode I**_

**Disclaimer:** Star Wars is not mine.

**Summary:** Very AU! Darth Maximus is the reigning Sith Lord, with his loyal assistants servants Minion Secretary, Minion One, Minion Two and Minion Three. Oh no! What does this mean for our poor, poor galaxy?!

**A/N:** Finally restarted again. It was paused because I was er...bored at the time, and I had just lost chapter four and couldn't be bothered to continue. Anyway. Enjoy!

Enough of my ramblings.  
-Darth Maximus

**Chapter Five: Exploring the Ruins.**

"Okay, next destination: Tatooine!" Darth Maximus said happily and cranked his sedan chair up. Minion Secretary busied herself with pouring a cuppa. Of tea, of course.

"Isn't that just a dry, barren, desert?"

Darth Maximus frowned and looked at his list of planets.

"Ahh, yes," he said. "Next stop, Banana!"

Minion Secretary gave him a funny look which was completely ignored by Maximus. He clapped his hands together.

"Now, where's my pizza?" he asked Minion Secretary imperiously. Minion Secretary turned pale and started shaking. Maximus cranked his seat down and stood up, looking up at her1. Minion Secretary cowered, shrinking smaller. Until she was shorter than Maximus himself. Darth Maximus loomed over her.

"Don't tell me you forget to order my pizza, _again,_" Darth Maximus spoke quietly. Minion Secretary now looked positively scared.

"Uhh...I f-forgot to order your pizza?" Minion Secretary said uncertainly. Darth Maximus blinked.

"Ahh, that's okay," he said brightly, gave her a warm hug, and then skipped back to his chair, cranked it up, and then started talking to Smoochums about his newest game. Minion Secretary blinked five times, shrugged her shoulders and started sipping her tea normally.

* * *

The Super Star Destroyer, _The Computer,_ zoomed out of hyperspace and slid to a stop in front of what seemed to be an empty patch in space. Darth Maximus' eyes bugged out spectacularly.

"Where in the world is Banana?!" he choked. Minion Secretary spoke up.

"Isn't Banana the name of the enemy planet you fought while you were a Padawan?" she asked him. Darth Maximus glanced at her.

"Well, yeah, but...we defeated them, right?"

Minion Secretary rolled her eyes. Darth Maximus consulted his list of planets, and then a big idiotic smile lit his face up.

"Why not go to Telos?!" he grinned. Minion Secretary groaned, which was ignored by Darth Maximus again.

* * *

The Super Star Destroyer, _The Computer,_ zoomed out of hyperspace and slid to a stop in front of what appeared to be an asteroid field. Darth Maximus' eyes bugged out for the second time that day.

"What?!" he spluttered. "Why are we in an asteroid field?! Admiral, blast our way out of here!" Admiral Douglas saluted him and put _The Computer_ back into hyperspace, after blasting a few of the asteroids.

"That still doesn't answer my question," Maximus muttered.

"Maybe because uhh..Telos was the first planet to be blown up by the Bananas under Darth Vegetable and Darth Banana?" Minion Secretary suggested. "You remember them, right?"

Darth Maximus waved his hand around.

"Er...yeah," he said vaguely. Minion Secretary rolled her eyes again. Maximus looked up his list of planets yet again.

"Why not go to Coruscant?" he asked Minion Secretary. Minion Secretary looked at him like he was crazy. Which he was, of course.

"We've already been there!" she cried. "We went there in the first chapt- I mean, we've already been there!" Darth Maximus merely shook his head imperiously.

"You just don't want to fall on your ass again!" he proclaimed.

"To Coruscant!"

* * *

**A/N:** Hope you like it! :D :D :D Reviewreviewreview...pwease?!

1: Darth Maximus is something like..136 cm tall? And Minion Secretary is like 20 cm taller than him. When he gets angry, Minion Secretary shrinks so she's shorter than Maximus.


	6. Chapter 6: Crashing the Comp

_**The Escapades of DARTH!! Maximus – Episode I**_

**Disclaimer:** -insert random disclaimer here-

**Summary:** Very AU! Darth Maximus is the reigning Sith Lord, with his loyal assistants servants Minion Secretary, Minion One, Minion Two and Minion Three. Oh no! What does this mean for our poor, poor galaxy?!

**A/N:** I return to the world of the living!

Enough of my ramblings.  
-Darth Maximus

**Chapter Six: Crashing the Comp**

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

_Bounce, bounce, bounce._

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"We've arrived, sir," Minion Secretary said helpfully as Coruscant zoomed into view. Maximus paused mid-bounce and turned around to face her.

"Ah, yes," he beamed, and skipped over to the controls. A second later, the _Computer_ veered crazily, shuddering as something collided with it.

"Ahhhh!" screamed Maximus in a very girlish tone. He let go of the controls and cowered behind his chair. A moment later, the Super Star Destroyer made one more jolt and lay still.

"Ow," piped up Maximus, rubbing his sore backside. Suddenly, the double doors to the control room were thrown open, bright light streaming through it, silhouetting a dark form. The figure stepped forwards, out of the light, and into the room, revealing-

"Hi," The Cleaner said, randomly.

Minion Secretary expelled a breath she had been holding.

**

* * *

  
**

"I can't _believe_ how irresponsible you were! I mean look at the damage you did to _the Computer!_ Crashing into an asteroid! Honestly!"

The Cleaner took a deep breath, and continued her rant.

"Now look at what I have to clean up! The front nose of the ship is damaged severely and we'll be stuck in space for a long time! How could you do such a thing?!"

"Now see here-" Maximus attempted to explain.

"NO!" The Cleaner stomped her foot and brandished her mop dangerously at Maximus. "What _I_ see is myself having to go out into space and cleaning up the mess that is the front half of the ship!"

Minion Secretary scratched her nose.

"What's the point?" she asked. "It's just another piece of stuff floating in space." The Cleaner considered this for two point seven seconds before sniffing and glaring at Minion Secretary for making a valid point. Then she turned on her heel and left, slamming the doors behind her. The light stopped shining.

"Well," Darth Maximus said, blinking. "Let's go have some food."

**

* * *

  
**

"Hum de hum, ho ho ho," Darth Maximus hummed to himself as he sat down at a table in the mess. "How are you this fine day, Minion Secretary?"

Minion Secretary turned around from her seat and blinked owlishly at Maximus.

"It's not day," she pointed out, before fooding a sandwich. Darth Maximus winked, because he couldn't be bothered to blink, and then gazed out of the window.

"Is that a Cleaner shaped person out there cleaning up _the Computer_ and fixing up the front of the ship?!" he exclaimed suddenly, pointing. Minion Secretary rolled her eyes before looking out of the window too.

"No, that _is_ the Cleaner cleaning up _the Computer_ and fixing up the front of the ship," she replied, and then turned back to her food. Honestly, Maximus could be so stupid sometimes.

Maximus burped.

"Anyway," he continued, "This means that our visit to Coruscant is delayed. We should go there after the ship is fixed, and then return home to Pie, for there is much work to do. For example, finishing the two month old biscuits Georgio gave me as a Christmas present."

"Yay," Minion Secretary mumbled, and drank the rest of her juice.

**

* * *

  
**

_Two days later..._

"I have a fantastic idea!" Darth Maximus yelled. It was their second day on the damaged Star Destroyer, and Maximus had discovered the wonders of toilet training.

Of course, he already knew that, but that's beside the point.

"What is it?" Minion Secretary asked primly, clicking on a pen and fishing a notebook out of her hair.

"I forgot," Maximus replied sadly, using Minion Secretary's hand to wipe away a few errant tears.

Minion Secretary sighed.

**

* * *

  
**

_One day later..._

"I've finished!" crowed a triumphant voice from around the corridor. "It's done!"

Minion Secretary hurried from another room to meet the source of the voice, glad to know that the ship had been repaired and they could leave, but...

"Huh?" she blinked confusedly. This person most certainly was _not_ the Cleaner.

"I've finished the single player version of Star Wars Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy!" Darth Maximus crowed happily, brandishing a paper-thin laptop at her.

**

* * *

  
**

"Yes, _the Computer_ is quite repaired," The Cleaner said quite firmly. "It shall work quite finely after you come from your quite quiet, but not really, adventure."

"Hmmmm," Darth Maximus mused, peeking out of the screen at the fixed _Computer._ "I suppose we should head off to Coruscant."

"Yes," replied Minion Secretary. "Although I do have one question..."

Maximus raised an eyebrow and gestured for her to continue.

"Why didn't we just take _the Lamb_ and go to Coruscant while the Cleaner fixed up _the Computer_?"

* * *

**A/N:** Hello! Long time no see, and here's another chapter.


	7. Chapter 7: Coruscant II & Returning Home

_**The Escapades of DARTH!! Maximus – Episode I**_

**Disclaimer:** Lookie here! Star Wars isn't mine!

**Summary:** Very AU! Darth Maximus is the reigning Sith Lord, with his loyal assistants servants Minion Secretary, Minion One, Minion Two and Minion Three. Oh no! What does this mean for our poor, poor galaxy?!

**A/N:** Here is the last instalment for Episode I, and then I can focus on Episode II!

Enough of my ramblings.  
-Darth Maximus

**Chapter Seven: Coruscant the Second and Returning Home**

"It's still a wasteland," Darth Maximus said in shock as he stepped off the ramp of _the Lamb._

"Of course," Minion Secretary confirmed, brushing a stray rubix cube off her shirt sleeve. "After all, it has been in control of the Hutts for so long."

"Maybe I should fix it!" Maximus suggested, scratching his head. "It was rather silly of me to import a Hutt to Coruscant and drop the rest of the Jedi in outer space, wasn't it?" He skipped over to what used to be the Senate building and peered inside.

"Yes, why not?" Minion Secretary mumbled, trailing after him. "I think they're near the Alderaan star system."

"Excellent, excellent!" Maximus rubbed his hands together in glee and jumped off the hovering platform. Minion Secretary gasped, the rubix cube bounced, a Hutt hopped into a hover car, and a bounty hunter fell of his speeder.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Minion Secretary screamed as she attempted to save Maximus.

"Why, I'm channelling Minion Secretary!" Darth Maximus called back up to her as he bounced off his bottom on the planet surface. Minion Secretary put her face in her hands and wept.

_Three months later..._

"I am pleased to reveal to all _New Coruscant!_" Darth Maximus announced, stepping off the large ship. Several Jedi spilled out after him and gazed in wonder at the planet. Maximus scratched his head.

"Of course, I may have overdone the decorations just a little..."

Pink balloons decorated the exterior and interior of the Senate chamber. Banners saying 'Welcome back, Jedi!' were displayed on top of the Jedi temple. Random geysers of flame appeared crackling around several of the smaller, seedier buildings of the planet. A bright pink glow enveloped the whole sky as people looked about in wonder.

"WESA HOME!!!!" Jar Jar Binks cried, rushing headlong into a brick wall.

**

* * *

  
**

"Shall we leave?" Darth Maximus enquired, poking his head around the door. Minion Secretary was practicing some obscure martial arts.

"Yes, sir," she replied, sheathing her sword and starting to clamber up the ramp to _the Lamb._ "Sir, do you know any forms of martial arts?"

Darth Maximus nodded sagely.

"Yes. I know Tae Kwon Do, Judo, Kung Fu, and several other kinds of dangerous words." He strode purposefully up the ramp and closed the door as they began the journey to _The Computer._

* * *

"Where did the Cleaner go?" Maximus asked, plopping into his chair. He cranked it up so his electric blue hair nearly touched the ceiling.

"I have no idea," Minion Secretary replied, taking out her sharpening stone again. Darth Maximus stiffened, and glared at Minion Secretary.

"HOW DARE YOU?!" he roared, stabbing a finger at her. Minion Secretary straightened up fearfully, dropping her stone with a clatter.

"How dare I..?" she asked meekly, eyes wide open.

"Never mind," he replied, pressing Smoochums to him tightly and pressing a button somewhere, making the ship shudder slightly before returning to normal.

Minion Secretary breathed a sigh of relief.

"We are on course to planet Pie," Maximus noted as the ship accelerated into hyperspace. "Pie, here we come!"

**

* * *

  
**

Darth Maximus was bored. And when Darth Maximus was bored, strange things tended to happen.

"Where's my Cheerios?" he asked plaintively as he stirred around the Cheerios in his bowl.

"In your bowl," came the somewhat tart response from Minion Secretary, who was busy tidying shelves. "Minion Two says that there was a small scale riot on Pie, by the way." She glanced at Maximus, gauging his reaction.

"Tell the rioters that they have no reason to be angry," Maximus replied, waving a dismissive hand at Minion Secretary. Then he sniffed and turned around.

"Did you smell that?" Maximus asked, sitting up. Minion Secretary whirled around, a goofy smile plastered on her face.

"Smell what?" she asked, and suddenly her face returned to normal with a loud _CRACK!_ Darth Maximus frowned in worry.

"I have a nasty suspicion..." he began, before the ship suddenly shuddered and a large planet looking rathe like a pie appeared outside the window.

"Look, Pie!" he shouted with glee.

**The End.**

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And here is the end to The Escapades of DARTH! Maximus: Episode I! Soon to come, the new chapter in Episode II.


End file.
